DID JAY-Z EVER GIVE BEYONCE A DEADLINE? Doc Love

DID JAY-Z EVER GIVE BEYONCE A DEADLINE?

Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen

Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

I’m an owner and follower of “The System.” I started seeing Chantelle about eight months ago, and I know from your book that long-distance relationships never work, but with the economy – I got laid off -- I had to move back to my mom’s house and Chantelle and I could only see each other about once a month. Before I left she told me she still wants to work it out with me and we decided to continue with our relationship. Knowing that long distance won’t work, I told her that if we weren’t re-united within six months that we would have to call it off no matter how we felt about each other at that time.

Well, this ultimatum seemed to have brought Chantelle even closer to me and she said that she would move in with me wherever I find a job after the six months. I told her that would be okay as long as she has a “plan” for what to do with herself. (Doc, Chantelle hasn’t started going to college yet and she’s 24.)

Now Chantelle is saying that she is going to go to college this January and that she hasn’t written off moving in with me but that it might have to be postponed a little bit. The semester will not be over until next June and the end of the six-month period I proposed is due this coming March.

Doc, what should I do now? This girl is an awesome Flexible Giver and I don’t want to lose her. Thanks for your coaching and insight.

Butch - who’s painted himself into a corner

Hi Butch,

You’ve got two huge things working against you straight out of the gate. First of all, you’re out of work. Now let me assure you that I sympathize with your situation. These days it’s tough out there, but like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Dude, you can’t work women when you’re broke.” To you Psych majors, you have to have money in your pockets if you’re going to date women or try and have a relationship with one. So I hope you’re out there looking for a job 10 hours a day because in the current job market you’re going to have a hard time finding something. Second, as far as moving in with your mom is concerned, there’s nothing wrong with that in itself, but you have to get out of there as soon as possible. Trying to date when you’re sitting in your mom’s living room and broke is not the most attractive proposition for any woman.

As far as seeing Chantelle once a month goes, it’s not going to work. You can’t see a girl only once a month and expect to hold her. It’s impossible, and I don’t care if she lives right across the street.

Nevertheless, you gave this girl an ultimatum that if everything didn’t work out within six months, it was all over. So here you are with absolutely no leverage in your life and you’re handing Chantelle deadlines and ultimatums. The problem isn’t that something has to happen with her in six months, my friend, the problem is that something has to happen with you – the sooner the better. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “My son, you should be giving yourself an ultimatum, not your girlfriend.” Because you’re the one who lost his job, Butch. You’re the one who’s living with his mother – not Chantelle. You’re trying to put the onus of all these problems on her instead of on yourself, which is where it belongs. It’s your responsibility to get your life going in the right direction again, not hers. That’s why you should have kept your mouth shut and not set this crazy deadline, which doesn’t do you any good whatsoever.

Instead, you’re worried about whether Chantelle is going to attend college. But you should be worried about your future, guy. You’re the one with the major issues here. Chantelle got herself together and she’s going to college, so leave her alone. But you’re broke, you’re mooching off your mom…and you’re talking about living with a girl? Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “That’s some stretch, dawg!” In other words, it’s completely unrealistic, and my job is to help you face reality.

Since your hard six-month deadline conflicts with the end of Chantelle’s college semester, that’s another reason you shouldn’t have given her any kind of ultimatum. What she does with her life has absolutely nothing to do with this deadline of yours. And that’s why my program says NO ULTIMATUMS. You need to look at the Dating Dictionary again, buddy. And again, remember to look at your own predicament before you harp on Chantelle’s:  you’re broke and living with your mom.

What should you do now? Well, you better hustle a job and hope that Chantelle forgets all about your six-month deadline and doesn’t decide to find someone else who isn’t so rigid when he doesn’t have a leg to stand on – like you. Like my cousin General Love says, “To give an ultimatum when you have no power is the dumbest thing in the world.”

Good luck, Butch.

Remember, guys: the problem with ultimatums is that you can’t take them back.